(Don’t link this publicly anywhere, please. Fine to send it to people who might pass it along though.)

Current status: happily partnered, but open to additional potential dates/partners!

Quick stuff

Age: 35
Gender: Cis male, mostly straight.
Location: Washington DC.
Career: Tech entrepreneur: I founded Sendwave and Wave.
Monogamy? Polyamorous, open to dating and hookups.
Wants kids? Maybe, see below.
Vegan: Yes.

About you, hopefully:

You are a good person: you think about the consequences of your actions, and want the best for others. You don’t think people should have to suffer or die.

You have earned wisdom through life experience and hold your loved ones to high standards. You know that people can change, and this shapes the way you interact.

You’re ambitious – trying to do hard things in the world, one way or another. You are prepared to put absurd amounts of time and energy into the most important things.

About me

Hi, I’m Lincoln. Some more photos:

I have a deep lifelong interest in understanding systems, everything from a mechanical system like a bike or computer program, to the minds of my friends (psychological systems), to politics and memetics (sociological systems). One of my projects is trying to understand the sociology and psychology around how people make their decision about where to live – I think too many people give up on solving this problem for themselves properly, and take an easy option (often to defer tough decisions), even when they could get big benefits by putting extra energy in sooner.

I really enjoy cycling & hiking, frontend coding, cooking, reading, writing, travel and listening to podcasts. I also keep a personal website, where you can find more about me including my blog.

I’m looking to date people who I will connect with, who will help me discover new parts of myself, who will make me think and grow.

A previous partner writes about me:

Lincoln can be described in all the normal ways: smart, energetic, tries hard to make the world a better place. But he has a lot of other traits to the extreme. My favorite – he is deeply oriented toward the truth. He tries really hard to have good models of the world, and to act without bias. In four years of dating, I can’t think of a single time he has said something uncharitable in an argument, or done something unfair. He listens when given feedback; when he’s in the wrong, he changes his mind or behavior quickly without defensiveness.

He’s also one of the least neurotic people I know. Not a lot of ups and downs. Not particularly anxious. Never reacting from a place of ego or emotional need. He’s just…steady. I do get the sense that his current social skills were learned, not inherent. He doesn’t have the intuitive social responses of my therapist-type friends, and he wouldn’t be the most charming one at a dinner party. He was likely awkward as a kid – social, but fully engrossed with his geeky crew. I don’t think he grew up with very nuanced models of others.

But he likes people and is preternaturally good at self-improvement, and he grew all those pieces into what they are today. I’ve seen him operate in communities, and he’s well loved. He has a gentle curiosity in others that draws people near, original and interesting thoughts on things, and an earnestness that people know they can trust.

He has relentless project energy. His parents are like this too. It’s striking. I could nerd-snipe him with nearly any plan (for anything!) and his eyes instantly light up.

Attraction and Sexuality

I tend to be attracted to women who are less feminine than average in their gender expression. For example, I like short-haired women, women who lift weights, women who can code-switch into masculine social interaction styles; but I dunno, I must also prefer some feminine stuff too? I definitely like boobs and legs.

I have tried going on dates with men, I can sometimes get a romantic attraction to men (who tend to be kind, soft-spoken guys) but tend to have very little sexual attraction.

I’ve just started exploration of fantasies and bdsm stuff. I don’t take to it all that naturally but I do have a bit of a submissive streak. I also have been discovering I have a bit of shame/repression around sex and my sexual preferences, so please be patient with me, but I am excited to learn and try more things!

Family structure, monogamy, location

I own a big house in DC, and am investing in my “chosen family” by trying to recruit people I love into the house. Right now this is all adults, and I’m happy with that - but co-parenting is on the table in my future; in general I am willing to invest a lot into a great situation with a (broadly-defined) family.

I don’t currently have kids, and my nesting partner doesn’t want to have her own kids. I might want kids of my own, or to help raise other people’s kids, or adopt, or something, in the future. No time pressure though.

Re poly: I used to be mostly monogamous. I’m in a committed relationship and poly now, although fairly new to poly. For new relationships anything is on the table (e.g., I have full autonomy to date as much as I want, and fall in love if it comes to that). I do expect to discuss my dates in substantial detail with my partner, although I am willing to keep certain things private if requested. Over time, if we get serious, I would want my dates to meet my nesting partner and ideally get along well!

What to talk about with me

You can either ask me about these things, or just open up and share something that affects you!

  • People in your life: I get a lot from knowing more about how people interact with their friends, other partners, work colleagues, family, etc. I like thinking about social dynamics and learning more about people. (It’s not going to be weird to talk about other partners with me.)
  • related: the Enneagram (I’m a 3 - I think)
  • related: sexuality and dating. what sexual or romantic situations have made an impact on you? what are you looking forward to?
  • any nonfiction you read or heard recently in science, tech, economics, philosophy, etc., especially related to potentially big impacts on the world?
  • anything you read or heard in fiction, shows, movies, etc. that inspired you or taught you something useful?
  • community: how do you view your community? what are you looking for?
  • rose/bud/thorn - things that you are grateful for or are going well, things that suck, and things that you’re looking forward to
  • it’s always ok to talk about anxieties, fears, things that aren’t going well, and so on. I have a high happiness set point and so you’re unlikely to bring me down too much.

Ok, let’s meet

Email me (lincoln@techhouse.org). Write something about yourself or link a similar doc and send a pic. You can also get an intro from a friend, that will tend to make me more excited.

I don’t get great signal from chatting extensively over email or video chat - ideally we could get to know each other in person over quick drink. If you’re not local to me it’s tougher but send me an email and let’s work it out.